The watercooler moments of the Reading Festival. If there was a watercooler, and not just a lot of beer

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HIGHS

Jack White’s hair

You can look like this, too. Just go into your salon and say: “Hey, stylist. Make me look like a work colleague of my mother’s”

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Shoe shop assistant, town centre, Saturday

Observed placing pair of mud caked econo-wellies into bin bag. Her expression: “Has it really come to this?”

Pint pot collectors

Don’t just throw it at someone during Avenged Sevenfold! Your empty pint pots can be collected by someone and exchanged for a very small amount of money.

Feeder cover

They channel the spirit of Readings past and do Nirvana’s “Breed”. Yes, really.

“The Anti Christ”

The lead guitarist from Tenacious D. Looks like Tony Iommi. Plays like Buck Dharma. We’re in!

LOWS

The hopeful

(Shouting into mobile during Bloc Party) “I’m holding my pint up! Can you see me?” Oh, dude, there you are! Thank god for your failsafe meet-up plan.

The sound

Bit of a non-negotiable one, this. As the kids say: “Turn it up!” Various “atmospheric issues” are blamed.

The sign: “Crowd surfing is dangerous”.

Yes, but hey, at least we’ll only be hurting our backs, not our ears, right?

Self-graffiti

We’re still doing this, are we? Low point: a girl with “Will fuck for ket” written on her shoulder. Still, at least drugs didn’t affect her penmanship.

Enormous teenage congas

Sure, you don’t want to get separated from Megan and Seth. But don’t walk on my fucking noodles, all right?

JOHN ROBINSON