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Slap Her, She’s French

Totally rubbish teen comedy which sees a French girl (Coyote Ugly's Piper Perabo) invading Texas and fiendishly ruining the life of star cheerleader Jane McGregor. Not content with being bland and dull, its national stereotyping stops just short of "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" gags....

Totally rubbish teen comedy which sees a French girl (Coyote Ugly’s Piper Perabo) invading Texas and fiendishly ruining the life of star cheerleader Jane McGregor. Not content with being bland and dull, its national stereotyping stops just short of “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” gags.

True Confessions

Ulu Grosbard's sombre noir revolves around the infamous Black Dahlia murder that gripped 1940s Los Angeles. With Roberts De Niro and Duvall excellent as brothers caught up in the case?respectively, a repressed but ambitious priest, and a hardbitten homicide cop who suspects his sibling knows more th...

Ulu Grosbard’s sombre noir revolves around the infamous Black Dahlia murder that gripped 1940s Los Angeles. With Roberts De Niro and Duvall excellent as brothers caught up in the case?respectively, a repressed but ambitious priest, and a hardbitten homicide cop who suspects his sibling knows more than he should?it aims for a dark, sweeping resonance pitched somewhere between Chinatown and L.A. Confidential.

Our Man Flint – In Like Flint

A slew of queasy 1960s anxieties get refracted through the camp superspy persona of oversexed karate-chopping polymath Derek Flint (James Coburn, fantastically deadpan). Our Man Flint sees him tackle a trio of, gasp, pinko scientists who can control the planet's weather, while In Like Flint pits him...

A slew of queasy 1960s anxieties get refracted through the camp superspy persona of oversexed karate-chopping polymath Derek Flint (James Coburn, fantastically deadpan). Our Man Flint sees him tackle a trio of, gasp, pinko scientists who can control the planet’s weather, while In Like Flint pits him against a devious group of demented feminists. Funny, knowing, and yet unsettling at the same time.

The Couch Trip

Remember the '80s, when Dan Aykroyd comedies were event movies? This 1988 stinker brings back plenty of bad memories, with Aykroyd playing a mental patient masquerading as a radio talk-show shrink. Not even co-stars Walter Matthau and Charles Grodin can wring a laugh from this wretched relic....

Remember the ’80s, when Dan Aykroyd comedies were event movies? This 1988 stinker brings back plenty of bad memories, with Aykroyd playing a mental patient masquerading as a radio talk-show shrink. Not even co-stars Walter Matthau and Charles Grodin can wring a laugh from this wretched relic.

The Crazies

George Romero's ecological thriller from 1973 combines the social awareness of his zombie trilogy with horror that's much more effective because it's much more believable: when a biochemical weapon is accidentally released in a small Pennsylvania town, it sends the inhabitants insane, so the militar...

George Romero’s ecological thriller from 1973 combines the social awareness of his zombie trilogy with horror that’s much more effective because it’s much more believable: when a biochemical weapon is accidentally released in a small Pennsylvania town, it sends the inhabitants insane, so the military are sent in to mop up. Genuinely unforgettable.

Blood Work

Like something director/star Clint Eastwood and his trusty Malpaso production company knocked off in a weekend, Blood Work is a soulless chunk of Dirty Harryology. Yet again playing the geriatric-but-noble card, Clint is former FBI profiler Terry McCaleb, who's brought out of retirement to catch a n...

Like something director/star Clint Eastwood and his trusty Malpaso production company knocked off in a weekend, Blood Work is a soulless chunk of Dirty Harryology. Yet again playing the geriatric-but-noble card, Clint is former FBI profiler Terry McCaleb, who’s brought out of retirement to catch a nasty serial killer who once gave him a heart attack (don’t ask!).

Cheech & Chong’s The Corsican Brothers

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong all but eviscerate what remains of their Up In Smoke credibility with this 1984, er, adaptation of Dumas. Suffice to say that the period Parisian setting allows for, ho ho, cross-dressing, painful double-entendres (a villain called "Fuckaire"), and rock-bottom one-liners...

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong all but eviscerate what remains of their Up In Smoke credibility with this 1984, er, adaptation of Dumas. Suffice to say that the period Parisian setting allows for, ho ho, cross-dressing, painful double-entendres (a villain called “Fuckaire”), and rock-bottom one-liners: “That’s the Marquis du Hicky! He’s a tri-sexual!” “A tri-sexual?” “Yes, he’ll try anything!” Ugh.

Shots In The Dark

James Foley's oedipal crime drama is a coruscating paean to the power of screen performance. Foley (Glengarry Glen Ross) is an efficient director, and this tale (based on a true story) of Pennsylvania mobster Brad Whitewood (Christopher Walken) and his estranged son Brad Jr (Sean Penn) is executed w...

James Foley’s oedipal crime drama is a coruscating paean to the power of screen performance. Foley (Glengarry Glen Ross) is an efficient director, and this tale (based on a true story) of Pennsylvania mobster Brad Whitewood (Christopher Walken) and his estranged son Brad Jr (Sean Penn) is executed with rhythmic precision, from first casual encounter to closing operatic confrontation. Similarly, Nicholas?son of Elia?Kazan’s screenplay is suitably tragic, with nods to his father’s On The Waterfront (especially in the Grand Jury scenes). And yet, surrounded by a gallery of character chic including Crispin Glover, Kiefer Sutherland and David Strathairn, it’s Messrs Walken and Penn who define this movie. Walken is the devil himself, with big blinkless eyes and creamy adenoidal whisper, while Penn is a gripping study of bullish self-hatred. When threatened with a beating that will knock the “bejesus” out of him, he replies, thumping his chest, tearfully, “There ain’t no Jesus in here!” Genius

DVD EXTRAS: Trailer. Rating Star

F.I.S.T.

The definitive Sylvester Stallone performance, full of febrile promise and bull-collar bulk, is this 1978 story (concocted by screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, with nods to Jimmy Hoffa) of Hungarian immigrant Johnny Kovak (Stallone) whose fame as a union builder is compromised by his associations with the...

The definitive Sylvester Stallone performance, full of febrile promise and bull-collar bulk, is this 1978 story (concocted by screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, with nods to Jimmy Hoffa) of Hungarian immigrant Johnny Kovak (Stallone) whose fame as a union builder is compromised by his associations with the mafia. The elegant cinematography from Easy Rider’s L

Cream On Me

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The Rolling Stones MUNICH OLYMPIAHALLE WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2003 The first time Keith Richards appears on the giant video screen at the back of the Olympiahalle stage, people around me jump, like they've just been frightened by something looming unexpectedly out of a cupboard in a horror film. And ...

The Rolling Stones

MUNICH OLYMPIAHALLE

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2003

The first time Keith Richards appears on the giant video screen at the back of the Olympiahalle stage, people around me jump, like they’ve just been frightened by something looming unexpectedly out of a cupboard in a horror film. And you’ve got to admit, he does look like something that would be hard to kill in a John Carpenter movie, the kind of apparently indestructible life form that no amount of shooting, stabbing, burning or poking in the eye with a coat-hanger will bring to a halt, unstoppable in other words. Keith, up there, a face carved out of Delta loam, chipped house-brick and fused alabaster, looks like he’d keep coming at you whatever you threw at him?undead, determined to stay that way. A bit like the Stones themselves, astonishing survivors of the rock’n’roll wars, veterans of everything.

Tonight is the start of the European leg of the Stones’ marathon 40th anniversary Licks tour and, by their own standards, I suppose this is a genuinely stripped-down sort of show. A couple of nights later, they play the Olympic stadium and you can bet the fucking farm the pyrotechnics will be deployed in typically spectacular force. Here in the 12,000-capacity Olympiahalle, there are no great distractions. No giant inflatables, dirigibles, cherry pickers, fireworks?just the Stones, really, and their music. Which is all, in the end, you could ever ask for.

Anyway, it starts with a wonderful bit of rock’n’roll theatre. When the lights go out and we’re plunged into an elemental darkness, we sit and listen, hackles rising, to an introductory tape that sounds like an amped-up soundtrack to a March Of Time newsreel, stirring and anticipatory. This goes on for a while. Then two things happen at once, everyone taken by surprise. A guitar riff rips through the hall and a spotlight hits the stage and the only man on it. It’s Keith, hunched over his guitar, cranking out the fearsome opening chords of “Street Fighting Man”. Jaws drop, even as the stage explodes in light and Jagger’s immortal, slovenly drawl?”Eeev’ree whea a’heah th’sown of ma’chin’ cha’gin’ feeeat, boyyyys…”?rises above the resultant clamour, the crowd’s roar. It’s a fucking incredible couple of minutes, and gets better, the Stones completing a stunning opening salvo with a pugnacious “It’s Only Rock’N’Roll”, “If You Can’t Rock Me”, “Don’t Stop”, one of the new songs included on the 40 Licks compilation, and a raucous “Heartbreaker”.

Further highlights? Everything, really?starting with the quartet of songs from tonight’s featured album, Let It Bleed. There’s an unreasonably lovely “Love In Vain”, with Ronnie on lap-steel, bruising versions of “Live With Me” and “Monkey Man”, and a raw and sprawling “Midnight Rambler”, which features one of those prowling Keith guitar solos that builds out of nothing into an entirely ominous squall. The racket he’s making goes into overdrive when the strobes kick in and the song lurches into a chaotic free-for-all, with Jagger’s angry harmonica blasts blowing ragged holes in the walls of guitars.

Elsewhere, there’s a wild “Tumblin’ Dice”, after which Keith virtually steals the entire show with a solo spot that includes a cracked and weary “Slipping Away”, his gorgeous soul ballad from Steel Wheels, and a fine “Before They Make Me Run”. A vicious “Start Me Up” gives way to a truly unforgettable “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?”, the main set ending with “Honky Tonk Women” and “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”. There’s great excitement then, with the band’s appearance on a small stage towards the rear of the arena floor, where they play a short set that climaxes with a jittery “Neighbours” and a flat-out brilliant “Brown Sugar”. Back on the main stage, an untrammelled “Satisfaction” is the only encore.

After 40 years of doing what they do, everyone seems to be taking it for granted that this is the final time around for the Stones?on this scale, at least. If it is, they are not leaving the building quietly. True to who they have been these many years, they are kicking up a hell of a storm on their way out. Tonight is a swashbuckling triumph, part of an epic last hurrah from the greatest rock’n’roll group in the world. Incredible.

Marathon Man

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Bruce Springsteen And The E Street Band CRYSTAL PALACE SPORTS CENTRE TUESDAY, MAY 27, 2003 Something doesn't feel right, as Bruce takes the stage in the early evening light. He's giving his all, of course, delivering what is as near as he will get to a directly political statement all night. But ...

Bruce Springsteen And The E Street Band

CRYSTAL PALACE SPORTS CENTRE

TUESDAY, MAY 27, 2003

Something doesn’t feel right, as Bruce takes the stage in the early evening light. He’s giving his all, of course, delivering what is as near as he will get to a directly political statement all night. But as he wraps himself in the torn and bloodied flag during the anguished, acoustic slide guitar blues rewrite of “Born In The USA”, the concomitant atmosphere is hard to locate. The crowd seem uncertain how to react, taking their time to get acclimatised.

Borne of the ’60s garage band generation who worshipped at the feet of the soul man revues, Springsteen is a seasoned campaigner from a dying tradition. His genius has been to ensure his showmanship services songs that express a common humanity, often facing seemingly insurmountable odds.

It follows that the 9/11-inspired The Rising is a quintessential Springsteen album, a mid-life reunion with his most celebrated associates?soaked in blood, sweat, tears, forgiveness and rocking redemption. The title track, one of the most extraordinary songs of his career, introduces the band, with newest member, violinist Soozie Tyrell, striking the first non-Bruce chord of the evening.

But that doesn’t ignite the crowd either, and things get a little weirder before the euphoric rush arrives. Up in the stands the transatlantic divide becomes apparent when locals move away from the four Americans who, from the first song in, are on their feet punching the air in a Bruce formation singalong line dance.

The show begins to make more sense down on the pitch where the bulk of the 33,000 crowd are gathered. “Prove It All Night” is a declaration of intent completed by a Sam & Dave call-and-response routine, Bruce cheek by jowl with Miami Steve, and the Van Morrison-style “meet me tonight behind the dynamo” band breakdown. But “Atlantic City”, rearranged to foreground Tyrell, is a mistake, sounding more like J Geils’ “Centrefold” than anything else?a product of boredom rather than inspiration.

The fact is that although the E Street Band sound is tweaked and subtly altered during “Empty Sky” and “You’re Missing”, it remains largely the same. The same is true of the structure of Springsteen’s songs, with a showstopper like “Mary’s Place” easily taking the place once held by “Rosalita”, while the good-humoured nostalgia of “Glory Days” is now explored via the backyard barbecue groove of “Waitin’ On A Sunny Day”.

By the time the latter comes around, dark is descending and?playing the part of the rocking clown and tent show revivalist?Springsteen has broken through the crowd’s reserve. He hangs upside down on the mic stand, plays mock castanets like a wine bar Romeo during “Sherry Darling” and struts along the stage perimeter in a glittery red Stetson thrown from the crowd.

He can afford a little self-mockery because he’s still able to draw resonant depth and meaning from his greatest songs. In “Badlands” the gung-ho youth is tempered by mature wisdom?but the song flies, sizzles and reverberates around the stadium. “Racing In The Street” is a masterpiece of sadness and serenity, Roy Bittan gilding the testimony with his majestic piano outro.

Bruce takes the piano himself for the gorgeous “My City Of Ruins”, a contemplative look at urban decay that dwarfs earlier efforts like “My Hometown”. He jokes about it being time to go back to his hotel room “to peruse your fine English adult entertainment films and have a go on the big Ferris wheel”, but there’s rocking abandon yet with a firecracker “Born To Run”, a Mitch Ryder medley and “Dancing In The Dark”.

The energy still seems limitless, and his dignity is equalled by his humour. Long before the close the crowd have become his joyfully wayward congregation. He may be 53, but there’s still no one who can match Springsteen’s blend of hard graft and blind faith.

Long After The Gold Rush

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Neil Young HAMMERSMITH APOLLO, LONDON MONDAY, MAY 19, 2003 So he hasn't made a truly compelling record since 1994's Sleeps With Angels. So he's been treading water with sleepy albums like Silver And Gold and hoary live outings like Road Rock. So he tried to put the kibosh on Jimmy McDonough's epi...

Neil Young

HAMMERSMITH APOLLO, LONDON

MONDAY, MAY 19, 2003

So he hasn’t made a truly compelling record since 1994’s Sleeps With Angels. So he’s been treading water with sleepy albums like Silver And Gold and hoary live outings like Road Rock. So he tried to put the kibosh on Jimmy McDonough’s epic biography Shakey.

Fact is, Neil Young is still the most endearing and enduring of rock’s original Western heroes, a rugged bear with a choirboy voice and an implacable self-belief. And we’ll never give up waiting for?what is it now??the fourth or fifth wind of his long and uneven career.

By the time we’re seated in the hallowed pews of the Odeon, most of us know what’s on the menu tonight. A main course of songs we’ve never heard before, followed by a dessert course of classics. A few people are already pissed off before he even saunters slowly on to the stage.

And thus we enter Greendale, Young’s very own Lake Wobegone (or is it Twin Peaks?), the small California coastal town that provides the setting for his quasi-allegorical drama of the contemporary American conscience. If you’re reading this, you’re probably already familiar with the Green family: Earl the painter, Sun the eco-warrior daughter, Jed the druggie son, Captain John the seafarer. You also probably know there’s this pimp-like character who floats around Greendale called “The Devil”.

Maybe you give a shit. I did before I sat through these two turgid hours of slowpoke homilies and sixth-form clich

Island Fling

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The Isle Of Wight Festival SATURDAY & SUNDAY, JUNE 14-15, 2003 On rotation throughout the weekend, footage of Jimi Hendrix at the 1970 Isle Of Wight festival flickers across the stage screens. It's designed, of course, to lend some historical baggage and countercultural kudos to an event where...

The Isle Of Wight Festival

SATURDAY & SUNDAY, JUNE 14-15, 2003

On rotation throughout the weekend, footage of Jimi Hendrix at the 1970 Isle Of Wight festival flickers across the stage screens. It’s designed, of course, to lend some historical baggage and countercultural kudos to an event where Bryan Adams and Counting Crows take top billing. Still, the event provides an ideal bucolic setting for The Thrills.

Flowing with silvery guitars, banjos and Hammonds, these Oxfam-attired Dubliners nail the melodic masts of The Byrds and Neil Young with undeniable

The Mars Volta – Deloused In The Comatorium

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When At The Drive-In split in 2001, half of the group went on to form the melodic Sparta, while Cedric Bixler and Omar Rodriguez announced the formation of The Mars Volta. Following a couple of gigs, an EP and one side of a split seven-inch, the buzz around the band is deafening. And while their deb...

When At The Drive-In split in 2001, half of the group went on to form the melodic Sparta, while Cedric Bixler and Omar Rodriguez announced the formation of The Mars Volta. Following a couple of gigs, an EP and one side of a split seven-inch, the buzz around the band is deafening. And while their debut may confus and bewilder, it certainly doesn’t disappoint. Deloused In The Comatorium may have achieved the unimaginable, administering a shot of pure adrenalin to the mouldy cadaver of progressive rock and making it a viable currency for 2003. The energy and expansiveness of these rocket-fuelled epics stands in direct opposition to the three-chord fundamentalism of the New Rock Revolution, but this eager embracing of rock’s outward-bound potential makes The Mars Volta paradoxically more punk than anyone else around. Imagine a jam session between King Crimson, Fugazi and ’70s Miles. Now imagine it working. That’s The Mars Volta.

Junkie XL – Radio JXL: A Broadcast From The Computer Hell Cabin

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Aimed squarely at the charts, packed with potential singles and a pantheon of guest vocalists (including Peter Tosh, Gary Numan, Chuck D, Terry Hall, Solomon Burke and Republica's Saffron), Dutch DJ Tom "Junkie XL" Holkenborg's third album is spirited stuff. Based around the concept of a virtual pir...

Aimed squarely at the charts, packed with potential singles and a pantheon of guest vocalists (including Peter Tosh, Gary Numan, Chuck D, Terry Hall, Solomon Burke and Republica’s Saffron), Dutch DJ Tom “Junkie XL” Holkenborg’s third album is spirited stuff. Based around the concept of a virtual pirate radio station and spread over two CDs (3AM and 3PM), this tech-house extravaganza is not quite in the same league as Underworld or The Chemical Brothers but great fun nevertheless?expect to hear the Solomon Burke collaboration “Catch Up To My Step” blaring out of passing cars all summer long.

Various Artists – Peace Not War

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The first three tracks on this two-disc set, from last year's albums by Ani DiFranco, Sleater-Kinney and Public Enemy, suggest a genuine resurgence of political pop. Sleater-Kinney's "Combat Rock" nails the climate of fear removing dissent from the US media, while DiFranco's nine-minute "Self Eviden...

The first three tracks on this two-disc set, from last year’s albums by Ani DiFranco, Sleater-Kinney and Public Enemy, suggest a genuine resurgence of political pop. Sleater-Kinney’s “Combat Rock” nails the climate of fear removing dissent from the US media, while DiFranco’s nine-minute “Self Evident” is a great Beat howl at every angle of 9/11 and America since. Elsewhere this often

sounds like the grim music of a marginal movement, which recent anti-war demos have showed isn’t the case. A great pop song to reach out to that public, like Costello’s “Shipbuilding”, is needed next.

Steve Winwood – About Time

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About Time is Winwood's eighth solo album and the first since 1997's Junction Seven. Recorded live in the studio with a small crew of sessioneers, About Time features Winwood on Hammond B-3 organ, playing the bass lines on the pedals. If this was meant to avoid the mechanising effect of a sequencer ...

About Time is Winwood’s eighth solo album and the first since 1997’s Junction Seven. Recorded live in the studio with a small crew of sessioneers, About Time features Winwood on Hammond B-3 organ, playing the bass lines on the pedals. If this was meant to avoid the mechanising effect of a sequencer or click track, it must be said that the Latin percussion-driven rhythm section is fairly metronomic anyway. It also means there’s no chance of Winwood playing guitar, which is a shame. Ten of the 11 tracks are self-composed, the exception being a cover of Timmy Taylor’s “Why Can’t We Live Together?” which fails to add much to the original. A relaxed, grooving album, About Time fails to make a major impression, mostly just passing the time in a congenial way. For loyal fans only.

Whirlwind Heat – Do Rabbits Wonder?

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This Michigan trio supported The White Stripes on their recent UK tour, and are here produced by man-of-the-moment Jack White. But while Jack and Meg have disregarded the bass, Whirlwind Heat have dispensed with the guitar, replaced instead with frontman David Swanson's squalling Moog synth. It's an...

This Michigan trio supported The White Stripes on their recent UK tour, and are here produced by man-of-the-moment Jack White. But while Jack and Meg have disregarded the bass, Whirlwind Heat have dispensed with the guitar, replaced instead with frontman David Swanson’s squalling Moog synth. It’s an abrasive sound that best recalls indie near-misses Mo*Ho*Bish*O*Pi, who shared the same boundless energy. The songs are often as cryptic as their titles (all names of colours) and only opener “Orange” boasts a strong chorus. Do Rabbits Wonder? is as punchy as The White Stripes’ debut, but the question to be answered is whether they have the tunes to make an Elephant.

Pole

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Three albums of digital dub put Stefan Betke at the forefront of new electronic music, but also presented him with a conundrum: how to progress when your entire aesthetic is reductive? Pole unveils his solution, employing a saxophonist, double bassist and rapper to spar with his echo deck. Betke is ...

Three albums of digital dub put Stefan Betke at the forefront of new electronic music, but also presented him with a conundrum: how to progress when your entire aesthetic is reductive? Pole unveils his solution, employing a saxophonist, double bassist and rapper to spar with his echo deck. Betke is a brilliant sound manipulator?warm, insectivorous, covertly melodic?and “Back Home” and “Like Rain (But Different)” rate among his finest. But Fat Jon, the pensive Ohio rapper who figures on half of Pole, is at best a distraction. Perhaps creative stasis might have proved more rewarding.

Girls Aloud – Sound Of The Underground

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La Burchill may have a point. Sort of. Girls Aloud's second single "No Good Advice" is a terrifying celebration of blankness with a payoff?"cos frankly I just don't care"?that sounds like a teen-pop riposte to "Pretty Vacant". Elsewhere, the supreme confidence of the chart-topping title track is car...

La Burchill may have a point. Sort of. Girls Aloud’s second single “No Good Advice” is a terrifying celebration of blankness with a payoff?”cos frankly I just don’t care”?that sounds like a teen-pop riposte to “Pretty Vacant”. Elsewhere, the supreme confidence of the chart-topping title track is carried through to terrific songs like “Girls Allowed”-1988 pop house reborn, thanks to producers the Beatmasters?and “Stop”, all gleaming synths and poignant Kim Wilde descending chords. The obligatory naff ballads are balanced by the cackling glee of “Love Bomb”, which is, literally, Betty Boo?who co-wrote it?goes salsa.